Psychonauts sings Queen!
by Darth Avery
Summary: My First fiction here! Combining the two greatest things ever, the characters of the excellent game Psychonauts sing songs from the excellent band Queen! Chapter 3 is up now!
1. Bohemian Rhapsody

The camp was all abuzz. Everyone was hussiling and busseling. Lili and Raz were sitting at a bench, talking about stuff.

"Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality." Said Raz pondering.

Lili took his hand and said "Open your eyes. Look up to the skies and see."

"I'M JUST A POOR BOY! I NEED NO SYMPATHY!" Yelled Vernon from a distance. "Because I'm easy come, easy go."

Kitty looked at Franke and said "Little high,"

Franke looked at Kitty and said "little low."

Vernon continued, "Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter, to me..."

Chops and JT both ran up behind him and repeated "To me."

At the asylum, Crispen picked up a telephone and listened. He hung it up after a while and said "Mama just killed a man. Put a gun against his head,"

"Pulled my trigger, now he's dead." Fred added to Crispen's statement

"Mama, life had just begun, but now I've gone and thrown it all away." Edgar said

"Mama, ooo. Didn't mean to make you cry." sang Gloria outside

"If I'm not back again this time tomarrow. Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters." exclaimed Boyd, with no mention of the milk.

"Too late, my time has come. Sends shivers down my spine, bodies aching all the time." Sasha explained to Milla.

Milla stood up and said "Goodbye everybody, I've got to go. Got to leave you all behind and face the truth."

"Mama, ooo..." said Elton

Milka softly added "Anyway the wind blows." to his statment

"I don't want to die. I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all."

Nils then looked around for people and busted out an air guitar solo, with the screeches and wails included. He totally rocked out that air guitar.

Quentin and Phoebe were playing in the lodge when Phoebe stoped and said "I see a little silhouetto of a man."

Quentin looked a little frightened and said "Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango ?"

Ford looked from his kitched and added "Thunderbolt and lightning - very very frightening me!"

Sheegor looked at Mr. Pokeylope and yelled "Gallileo!"

Mr. Pokeylope yelled back "Gallileo!"

Sheegor and Mr. Pokeylope then yelled it again at eachother.

Dr. Loboto poped his head into the room and said "Gallileo Figaro - magnifico!"

Deep inside Boyd's mind, a G-man sat on the ground and said "I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me."

The Rainbow Squirts that were skating around added "He's just a poor boy from a poor family. Spare him his life from this monstrosity"

Back at the camp, Bobby walked with Chloe and Elka. Bobby said out of nowhere "Easy come easy go, will you let me go?"

Elka and Chloe looked at him with the oddest expression and "Bismillah! No, we will not let you go,"

Nils poped in again and said "LET HIM GO!"

Elka and Chloe then repeated "Bismillah! No, we will not let you go,"

Nils again yelled "LET HIM GO!"

Elka and Chloe repeated it again, just to prove their point, "Bismillah! No, we will not let you go,"

Bobby and Nils then yelled "LET ME GO!"

Elka and Chloe repeated "Never, never, never, never."

Bobby yelled at the top of his lungs "LET ME GO, OOO"

Elka and Chloe pointed at him angerly and said "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!"

"Mama mia, mama mia." Yelled Oleander from his tree house.

Everyone at camp threw their arms up and yelled "MAMA MIA LET ME GO!"

Mikhail and Maloof were by Oleander's car when Maloof yelled "Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me."

Mikhail looked at him, and said "for me..."

They both stood up, and yelled "FOR ME!"

Nils then yet again began to air guitar while everyone banged their heads in the name of rock!  
L  
inda emerged from the lake and said "So do you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?"

Benny was at the shore at this time, so he added, "So do you think you can love me and leave me to die?"

they both began to sing "Oh baby, can't do this to me baby."

The underground transit system wanted to get in on the fun and began to sing "Just gotta get out. Just gotta get right out of here."

There were another few moments of air guitaring from Nils and head banging from everyone.

Then the whole camp and everyone at Thorney Towers began to sing in harmony. "Ooh yeah, ooh yeah!"

Raz quietly stood up and sang "nothing really matters, anyone can see. Nothing really matters."

Razputin's father walked up to him, put his arm on Raz's shoulder and sang "Nothing really matters."

Then everyone in the area sang "To me."

After it ended, the face of Tim Schafer popped into the clouds and sang "Anyway the wind blows..." while the lights dimmed on the camp and everything was pitch black.


	2. Radio GaGa

**Radio Ga-Ga**

_Disclaimier-I totally forgot I don't own any of the characters in psychonauts, nor do I own any of the songs by Queen. I didn't write the lyrics to the songs, I'm just a fan._

Phoebe and Quentin were sitting in there usual spot in the TV lounge. They were taking a break from the jam session and decided to listen to the radio. They both shared a love of techno music and was set to WROO 95.6, a station that played underground techno, jazz fusion, and bebop.

"Isn't this chill, Phoebe?" Quentin asked, lounging on a bean bag chair and watching the ilent motions from the television.

"Sure is." Phoebe replied, "I wish we had more moments in life like this."

Then, the DJ from the station boomed over the radio with his smooth, jazz like voice. "Yo that was Herbie Hancock with 'Rockit'. Oh now here we got a rockin' teckno request. It's Queen with 'Radio Ga-Ga', here on WROO 95.6"

The drum beat began to play and Quentin raised his arms and said "OH SNAP! This my song, Phoebe. Sing it with me."

Phoebe gave him an odd look and just said "Umm...ok?"

Quentin looked over at her and began to sing. "I'd sit alone and watch your light. My only friend through teenage nights. And everything I had to know, I heard it on my radio"

Phoebe then sang "You gave them all those old time stars. Through wars of worlds - invaded by Mars. You made 'em laugh - you made 'em cry. You made us feel like we could fly. Radio."

They joined in together and and sang along with Freddie. " So don't become some background noise. A backdrop for the girls and boys. Who just don't know or just don't care. And just complain when you're not there. You had your time, you had the power. You've yet to have your finest hour. Radio."

They stood up and began to clap along and sang. "All we hear is radio ga ga. Radio goo goo. Radio ga ga. All we hear is radio ga ga. Radio blah blah. Radio what's new?  
Radio, someone still loves you."

Quentin then began to do the robot and Phoebe tried to breakdance, but found it quite hard to spin on her head with all the beanbags obstructing her way. So she just danced awkwardly, hoping Quentin didn't see her failed attempt.

Quentin stopped robotin when the singing of Freddie Murcury resumed on the radio. "We watch the shows - we watch the stars. On videos for hours and hours. We hardly need to use our ears. How music changes through the years."

Phoebe was having a grand old time being silly with her best friend. She readjusted her headphones on and returned to fake singing "Let's hope you never leave old friend. Like all good things on you we depend. So stick around 'cos we might miss you, When we grow tired of all this visual."

They both pretended to hold a fake microphone and began to rock out while singing in tandum "You had your time - you had the power. You've yet to have your finest hour. Radio."

They ran from the TV lounge and ran into the main lodge part, pumping their fist, jumping on a picnic table and singing "All we hear is radio ga ga. Radio goo goo. Radio ga ga. All we hear is radio ga ga. Radio goo goo. Radio ga ga. All we hear is radio ga ga. Radio blah blah.

Quentin had a little solo moment and sang "Radio what's new?"

Phoebe in return got her solo moment and sang "Someone still loves you."

Vernon, who was sitting at a table coloring began to pump his fist along with the two and said "Wow, this reminds myself of that time that my mom and I were listning to the radio and..." He rambled on to himself while Quentin and Phoebe continued to act like jackasses.

The both went back to back and pretended to be rock stars. In there own little minds, the Levitators/Firestarters were a famous band, with Queen sized fame. Playing sold out arenas all over the world, in their own minds...

"Radio ga ga, Radio ga ga, Radio ga ga" They sang, in all their two person glory, they then got onto their knees, on a picnic table, infront of Chef Cruller and Rambling Vernon and finished their song. "You had your time - you had the power. You've yet to have your finest hour. Radio."

"That was so rad" Exclaimed Quentin, when the sounds of Queen left the radio and a commericial played in the background.

"YEAH! LET'S DO IT AGAIN!" Yelled Phoebe, hopping up and down.

"Simmer down there, Phoebe. Next time it's on, we'll do that again." Quentin said, calmed down. "Until then, break time is over and we have to be the real rock stars."

"You're right" Phoebe said, running to the TV room, where she grabbed her sticks and turned off the radio until next break time.


	3. Fat Bottomed Girls

**Fat Bottomed Girls**

_Disclaimer-I don't own any of the things from psychonauts or Queen. Psychonauts and Queen are owned by other people that arn't me. I do, however. own a copy of Psychonauts and two Queen CDs, so I kinda own a little piece of Psychonauts and Queen, but just in merchandise._

With all this commotion happening over at Wispering Rock, everyone at the asylum was still trying to figure out a way to go home.

"I'm bored. What do you guys wanna do?" Fred said, resting his head in his hands, sitting on a block of stone.

"I don't really know my dear Fred. We could sing a lovely song!" Gloria pitched in.

"That's a good idea," said Crispen, finally pulling himself from out the rubble, "But what? and don't we have instruments here from a clinic?"

"OH YEAH!" Edgar yelled, "I remember when we tried to start a band after the asylum shut down. I think Gloria hid the instruments over in her garden."

"I'll get them! Now, I can be in this said band since I'm not paranoid about the milk anymore!" Boyd yelled, running off to the garden. He returned with a rusty guitar and bass. He took some more time, managing to pull out a large dirty box with a drum set inside.

"This was the best christmas present ever." Said Edgar, holding the guitar. "The only real memory of my last wife. Backstabbing bitch, thanks for the guitar."

"Well, what do we sing?" said Gloria, "We have instruments, we have talent. What do we do now?"

Fred stood in front of everyone. "Are you gonna take me home tonight? Ah down beside that red firelight. Are you gonna let it all hang out? Fat bottomed girls, You make the rockin' world go round.."

Edgar smiled and began to play on the guitar. Crispen accompanied him on bass, and Boyd began to make a beat on the drums. Fred tapped his foot and moved his knee up and down, as though marching without having his foot leave the ground.

When the instrumental solo ended, Fred looked up and began to sing "Hey I was just a skinny lad. Never knew no good from bad. But I knew life before I left my nursery - huh. Left alone with big fat Fanny, She was such a naughty nanny. Heap big woman you made a bad boy out of me."

Sheegor peeked up from the ledgeand gave a little "Teehee!" She picked up Mr. Pokeylope and had him look too. "Look Mr. Pokeylope! They're singing! Doesn't that loo like fun?" She then hopped up to the courtyard where everyone was playing.

Edgar, Crispen and Boyd all resumed playing whilest Fred gave a few "Hey hey!"s and "Wooh"s. All the while, Gloria and Sheegor swaggled in while swinging their hips. Gloria pretended she actually had an ass, while Sheegor had back.

"I've been singing with my band. Across the wire across the land. I seen every blue eyed floozy on the way, hey." Fred sang. "But their beauty and their style, Went kind of smooth after a while. Take me to them dirty ladies everytime."

Everyone then sang out "Oh won't you take me home tonight? Oh down beside your red firelight. Oh and you give it all you got. Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go round. Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go round." Gloria and Sheegor shook their booties back and forth, trying to be as flirty and sexy as possible for someone who's been in a crazy hospital for a long time.

Fred bagan to sing again, while the band played and those fat bottemed girls danced. "Hey listen here. Now I got mortgages on homes, I got stiffness in ma' bones. Ain't no beauty Queens in this locality (I tell you). Oh but I still get my pleasure, Still get my greatest treasure. Heap big woman you gonna make a big man out of me."

Then everyone in the band, and the two women sang out the chorus again. "Oh won't you take me home tonight? Oh down beside your red firelight. Oh and you give it all you got. Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go round. Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go round."

They then jammed and jammed and danced and sang until the song was over. When it ended Boyd threw his sticks in the air and yelled "Can we split a cab now?"


	4. Who Wants to Live Forever?

**Who Wants to Live Forever?**

_Disclamier-I don't own Elton Fir, Milka Phage, the song 'Who wants to live forever' or Wispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp. Now, back to the story!_

Night has fallen upon the camp. The sky was cloudless and stars twinkled all over the sky. The moon was full and twinkeled in the reflection on the lake. The gental breeze of the current eased the night, making a state of happiness in everyone.

Elton guided a blindfolded Milka down the wooden pathway to the lake. "Where are we going Elton? What are you doing?" Milka asked It was her birthday, and Elton had set up somthing special for his new love.

"We're almost there, Milka. You'll love it, I'm sure." Elton said, reaching the beach. He stood in front of the large rock that overlooked the lake. "Levitate up now, we're going up." He said, which she did. They both stood at the top of the rock. "Ok, you can take off the blindfold." Elton told Milka, as he helped her untie it.

When it was off, Milka was amazed. There was a small picnic for two he'd set up. There was a CD player and a blanket just so they could celebrate Milka's birthday together, like couples do.

"Oh Elton! I love it!" Milka said, hugging him. "You're the bestest boyfriend ever!" Milka and him walked over to the blanket, where he helped her sit. He pulled a daisy for her out of the picnic basket, and then he turned on the CD player. It was their song,Who Wants to Live Forever by Queen. Milka smiled and began to sing along. "There's no time for us. There's no place for us. What is this thing that builds our dreams, yet slips away from us?"

Elton smiled at her, and sang back "Who wants to live forever? Who wants to live forever? Oh ooo oh"

Milka looked at him right in the eyes and sang to him "There's no chance for us. It's all decided for us. This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us."

"Who wants to live forever? Who wants to live forever? Ooh." Elton responded.

Milka kissed him on the cheek and sang back "Who dares to love forever? Oh oo woh, when love must die."

During the instrumental part, the music filled the air. Over in the boathouse, Admiral Cruller pulled out a lighter and began waving, likewise with Milla over on her floating dock.

The voice of Freddie returned and Elton sang along "But touch my tears with your lips."

"Touch my world with your fingertips" Milka sang back.

then in a unison of harmonies, they sang together. They finished together. "And we can have forever. And we can love forever. Forever is our today...Who wants to live forever? Who wants to live forever? Forever is our today. Who waits forever anyway?"

As the song ended, they shared a kiss like lovers do. "This is the best birthday ever." Milka whispered to him, giving him a hug and kissing his cheek.

"I'm glad I made it good." He wispered back. And they spent the rest of the night, listning to their song and gazing up at the stars.


	5. Killer Queen

**Killer Queen**

_author's note+disclaimer: OMGS! thanks for all the good reviews. Only a few more chapters to go, but I'm letting the people decide what the song is for the next chapter. Dr. Loboto will be singing in the next chapter, but will he sing I'm Going Slightly Mad, or Stone cold Crazy? you decide, by tomarrow whoever's voted in reviews will be tallied and picked. Also...I don't own Crispen Whytehead or anything else related to Psychonauts. I don't own Killer Queen or anything else related to Queen. Now on with the show!_

The asylum gang had just finished their jamming session to Fat Bottemed Girls. "Can we do another song?" Fred asked.

"I've got this one boys, and girls." Crispen said, putting down the basss guitar and walking to the mic.

"You're gonna sing? The orderly is going to push up his straightjacket sleeves and seranade us with a song?" Edgar said, sarcasticly.

"Watch me, bitches." he said "I'll do it a capella too."

"Oh, dear Crispen. Challanging yourself eh?" Gloria said, patting him on the head "Just don't get in over yourself."

"I get it. Just shut up and let me sing." He snapped. He shook a little and then began to sing. "She keeps her Moet et Chandon, In her pretty cabinet. 'let them eat cake' she says, Just like Marie Antoinette."

The rest of the asylum buddies and Sheegor all sat in astonishment at how damn good he sounded. "Damn!" Fred wispered to Gloria "Crispen has some pipes!"

"I know!" Gloria wispered back, "Let's listen to the rest though."

"A built-in remedy, For kruschev and kennedy. At anytime an invitation, You cant decline." Crispen continued as he shimmied a little and acted slightly eccentric."Caviar and cigarettes, Well versed in etiquette, Extraordinarily nice."

"Shes a killer queen! Gunpowder, gelatine. Dynamite with a laser beam, Guaranteed to blow your mind." He did a high kick right before yelling "Anytime!"

He trollied around the mic for a second before continuing the song "Recommended at the price, Insatiable an appetite. Wanna try?"

Crispen was acting like a creepy lunatic that he's supposed to be. Everyone just had their mouths gaped wide open. Is he really that eccentric? Does he really have charistma? Of coarse. Sheegor being a little slow on everything thought if he was really that sexy.

"To avoid complications, She never kept the same address." He swung around the mic stand and kicked his leg up a little. "In conversation, She spoke just like a baroness."

"Met a man from china, Went down to geisha minah. Then again incidentally. If you're that way inclined." At that last verse, Crispen gave a quick flirty wink which made Sheegor swoon.

He continued to sing, whilst noticing everyone's sheer amazement at his skill. "Perfume came naturally from Paris. For cars she couldnt care less, Fastidious and precise. Shes a killer queen, Gunpowder, gelatine. Dynamite with a laser beam. Guaranteed to blow your mind." He again let out a high kick with the singing of "Anytime!"

After a period of accentric prancing around that is normally called 'crazy solo moshing' and attempting splits, he ran back to the mic. "Drop of a hat shes as willing as, playful as a pussy cat. Then momentarily out of action, temporarily out of gas. To absolutely drive you wild, wild..  
Shes all out to get you. She's a killer queen, Gunpowder, gelatine. Dynamite with a laser beam. Guaranteed to blow your mind." Crispen let out one final kick with the singing of the word "Anytime!"

"Recommended at the price, Insatiable an appetite. Wanna try?" He did a swivle around the mic stand and sang "You wanna try..." and then he bowed and sat on the ground.

"Oh my god, CRISPEN! I had no idea you could sing." Fred yelled, hopping up and running to pat Crispen on the back.

Then out of nowhere. there was an earpeircing fangirl squee coming from Sheegor. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" She exclaimed in her high pitched voice. "I LOVED THAT! WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?"

"Umm," Crispen said. "I'll think about and tell you as soon as we get off this wretched island." As they all sat around and chatted about the festivities of the night, and dozed off to dreamland. Sheegor snuggling with Crispen.


	6. I'm going Slightly Mad

**I'm Going slightly Mad**

_Disclaimer-I don't own psychonauts, queen, or anything related to the two._

Dr. Loboto was not a happy camper after the whole 'destruction of his lab and research' thing. It made his lightbulb eyes twith with...slight insanity. He scratched at his showercap while staring at the remains of the brain tank him and Morceau worked on. His brain clouded and he started to sway in place.

"When the outside temperature rises, And the meaning is oh so clear. One thousand and one yellow daffodils Begin to dance in front of you - oh dear." He began to sing. His mind told him to do nothing else as it began to scramble and he lost all thought. "Are they trying to tell you something? You're missing that one final screw. You're simply not in the pink my dear. To be honest you haven't got a clue."

He stopped swaying and fell backward to the ground, compleatly losing it. "I'm going slightly mad, I'm going slightly mad. It finally happened - happened. It finally happened - ooh woh, It finally happened - I'm slightly mad - oh dear!" He let out a cackled laugh as he rolled around the ground, in compleatly insanity. He picked at his face with his clawed hand, scratching and cutting his face all up.

"I'm one card short of a full deck, I'm not quite the shilling. One wave short of a shipwreck, I'm not my usual top billing." He then managed to get up and began flailing his arms around, as if he were high on LSD. He sang again in his insanely tone of voice. "I'm coming down with a fever. I'm really out to sea. This kettle is boiling over, I think I'm a banana tree"

He wove his stainless steel claw infront of his bleeding face, acting as if nothing was up. In that world of his own. "I'm going slightly mad, I'm going slightly mad. It finally happened - happened. It finally happened - ooh woh, It finally happened - I'm slightly mad - oh dear!"

He danced around, as his fading memories of sanity played in his head. Even the memories of slight sanity when being the crazy dentist. He sang the song of crazy again, at the highest peak his voice could get! "I'm knitting with only one needle, Unravelling fast it's true. I'm driving only three wheels these days. But my dear, how about you?"

The words left his mouth as the full moon shown it's brilliant light down upon him. "I'm going slightly mad, I'm going slightly mad. It finally happened, It finally happened - oh yes. It finally happened - I'm slightly mad!"

Loboto danced and sang until the dawn came upon him, and all his sanity was gone. He was 100 pure crazy and, unlike before, he had nothing to pass his time with. Nothing but the crazy melody of song coming from himself.


	7. We are the Champions

**We are the Champions**

_disclaimer-Well, it's over. I'm finishing this and no more chapters. Also, i don't own psychonauts or Queen._

Well, camp was over. Everyone's bags were packed and they gathered around the campfire for one last meeting. Razputin had been named an official Psychonaut and stood in front while everyone appluaded. "Well, Agent Aquatto," Oleander said "Have any words?" He motioned to the stage.

Raz stepped up on the platform, and looked at his classmates. His peers were amazed by him, especially Lili, since she was his girl. He opened his mouth and sang. "I've paid my dues, Time after time. I've done my sentence, But committed no crime."

A few students began to giggle, but more continued watching. Sasha rolled his eyes on the side and Milla perked up when he sang. Ford just looked dazed and sat on Oleander's head.

Raz didn't care, he was a freggin psychonaut! He could sing if he wanted. "And bad mistakes. I've made a few. I've had my share of sand kicked in my face, But I've come through"

Milla wanted to get in on the spirit and sang "And we mean to go on and on and on and on!"

Raz and Milla sang in unison "We are the champions - my friends. And we'll keep on fighting Till the end. We are the champions. We are the champions! No time for losers, Cause we are the champions of the World!"

Ford got up off Oleander when he began to walk to the stage. :"I've taken my bows, And my curtain calls." Sang Oleander "You brought me fame and fortune And everything that goes with it. I thank you all."

Milla had dragged Sasha up while Oleander sang. She began to use pyrokinesis on him so Sasha felt he had to sing somthing "But it's been no bed of roses, No pleasure cruise. I consider it a challenge before the whole human race, And I ain't gonna lose!"

The children clapped along and sang "And we mean to go on and on and on and on!"

Ford had managed to hobble up on stage, with the psitanium still strapped to his back. He stood with everyone and sang along. "We are the champions - my friends. And we'll keep on fighting Till the end. We are the champions. We are the champions! No time for losers, Cause we are the champions of the World!"

Raz stepped ahead of everyone and sang "We are the champions - my friends. And we'll keep on fighting Till the end. We are the champions. We are the champions! No time for losers, Cause we are the champions!"

There was a silence between everyone. "Well, that's all I got to say really." Raz said "Oh yeah, Queen rocks."

"Yeah, Queen is the shit." Sasha said. Everyone shook their heads in agreement and the entire camp walked to the bus area in the horizen. A wind blew and some say that Freddie could be heard in camp, still to this day...


End file.
